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Author Topic: Review of new Guns 'n' Roses Chinese Democracy Demos  (Read 14341 times)
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HxT
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« on: October 02, 2006, 10:08:47 PM »

No, I didn't write this, but I thought it was genius and felt compelled to share...

Quote from: robfuckingwhite

Appetite for Instruction: Listeners Guide to The Chinese Democracy Demos

Well, anyone remember what they did on September 17, 1991? I sure as hell don't, but you know who does? axl rose. Probably because that was the last time his band Guns and Roses put out a full length album of original material. Since that time, he has been busy kicking people out of the band, and replacing them with other people who play exactly like the people he had just kicked out of the band, albeit he pays these guys very little money and and a they to sign a contract to make sure they can get fucked over for analyticities (welcome to the jungle baby!).

So for the last...15 years axl rose has been working on his follow up, Chinese Democracy. Every year, around this time, i hear something about this finally coming out, and this year is no different. And you wanna know why it happens this time of year? because someone will make an April fools joke about it. True to form, this year it was spin magazine who published on there website a fake review of  it. It become a long running joke as it should be.

But in January's, a couple leaks of demos surfaced on Internet and even on the radio. And the source of the leaks? none other then Mike Piazza, the catcher of the New York Mets who recived the demos in the mail. Thats probably the most hilliarous sentence I've ever typed. So, 15 years, many missed deadlines, 12 different line up changes, and an astounding 13 million dollars spent by the record company to get the album finished and whats produced? 6 leaked demos.


No, thank you mr piazza

Unfortunately, finding these demos is slightly harder then Steve Mcneil at a daycare. For three evenings I've been lurking guns and roses message boards, and wasting my fucking time looking at webblogs shut down by axl' s laywers. I gave up and searched on soulseek for some kind of salvation with predictable results. People claiming to have the entire album, but then you get it and its a kraftwerk cd also, Im not sure of the connection, but everytime i try to find the track "catcher in the rye" its a bruce springsteen song. But through some searching, i found about 15 songs claiming to be from the demo, and various live performances. One conclusion I've found is that guns and roses fans are fucked up. That kind of determination to follow this band this far, and something has to break. For instance, well finding the last tracks of the demo i came upon user "18hz" and by glancing in his "video" folder i find "christins strong whipping (femdom vid)" "five females fucking male with strap on" "flawless college fisting firsts" and you guessed it "Sweet child of mine", oh boy, don't work too far from where you play . So without further build up, the review of the tracks.

1. I.R.S.
Well, it sounds like guns and roses fucking Vitamin C. Remember, graduation song? Sampled drums, an incredibly lame ascending guitar line and a tired solo. Slash must be rolling in his heart shaped velvet grave. This song has some pretty laughable lyrics as well, even for g n r. "Your gonna need president, hire myself a private eye, gonna need the irs, gonna get the fbi" I'm not sure what kind of trouble Mr. Rose has gotten himself into, but it sounds rather dramatic.

2. Dust In The Wind.
Yeah its not a cover, but like they say in the industry, "name the song after a hit and half the work is done" This just some sappy November rRain type shit, but condensed to two and a half minutes, and no helicopter camera shots of slash in a desert, he's not welcome in the jungle anymore.   

3. The Blues.
Sounds like November rain again. And i think he layered his voice about 17 times. Its like axl in ultra mega stereo, or as i call it "unappealing". Oh yeah, cue that bend solo bridge that every 14 year old plays in every music store, sounds just like how it did when you wrote it. In November Rain.

4. Madagascar.
Um, alot of synth work on this song. And yes, to answer your question, my back hurts from using my illusion to make this demo seem at all interesting. People in general should stop confusing "keyboard" with "experimentation". They even have sound clips at the end of the song, to inspire us to live in harmony with one another. Kinda like when he penned the line "Immigrants and fagots They make no sense to me They come to our country And think they'll do as they please Like start some mini Iran, Or spread some fuckin' disease" in the song "One in a Million"

5. Oh my God
This song was on the "end of days" soundtrack, some shitty action movie about the devil. It was apparently a "prelude" to Chinese Democracy. Oh yeah, the movie came out 7 fucking years ago. It was when the album was going to be very "nine inch nails" like. I guess...because there is a keyboard in it, distortion on the vocals, and anyone over the age of 15 is old enough to realize its a bunch of undangerous bullshit.

6.There Was A Time (haha, twat)/Chinese Democracy
Kinda like fullfiling a suicide pact, I'm running low on bullets so these two have to put there heads together. The first song is really fucking boring. It has dynamics and stuff, but its just...so dull. Jesus Christ, 7 minutes of shit. It sounds like its wrapping up in the middle but nope, just keeps going. Axl rose's voice is on par with a death rattle of my only son. I like to consider these songs like a two headed girl, but the Chinese Democracy song is like the dead side, as in...dead at a young age so half of the body kept growing and the other half is shrivled and decaying. Try to put that image into something coming out of your speaker, and you'll understand.

7. Better
This is probably the best track of all of these, course thats like being the prettiest waitress at Dennys, good but...still in need of a lot of work. It starts out interesting, and shows off Axl roses incredible ability to sing higher then any givin notes known to man. After the 30 second point it pretty much turns into generic radio dribble, with a bonus fast lick after the NIN chorus.

There is a couple other tracks I'll leave out. There so shitty they don't even deserve to be bashed. Silk Worms is wanna be techno ttm*. Rhiad & The Behovins will give you cancer, just look at the lyrics http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/gunsnroses/rhiadthebehovins.html, and if you can, search soulseek for the the track "Oklahoma". It was a home demo made by Axl, starring a drum machine and the worst production I've ever heard. 

The only way to sum up this long winded waste of half a week is like this. Its like Chinese Democracy is a boat, and I'm hanging out with Axl Rose on it, were chillin, maybe grooving on some tunes. Maybe I'm relaxing, and he's on portside, dancing, but he can't quiet do it because of the cumbersome cross he wears around his neck. I look over and notice there is a massive hole in the side of the boat, and i say "Hey axl, theres a giant hole in the side of Chinese Democracy" and he looks at the hole, and then looks back at me and says "hey rob, fuck you" And slaps me across the face, but his hand is full of shit, so it gets in my mouth and ear. I try to tell the record company about the hole, so they decide to start throwing gold bars into the boat, and soon enough, Chinese Democracy slips to the bottom of the ocean, and in its hull is thirteen million dollars. Axl Rose is an asshole, and if you expect anything from this album/embezzlement scheme, all you'll get is a handful of shit right in your face and mouth.
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Chester
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« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2006, 07:20:01 AM »

What a shock..I was sure it would be a good album. My favorite line was:

Its like axl in ultra mega stereo, or as i call it "unappealing".

bwahahaha
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SuperD
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« Reply #2 on: October 03, 2006, 11:18:41 AM »

YOU FOUND IT!
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Master0vDisharmony
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« Reply #3 on: October 03, 2006, 11:40:41 AM »

Quote
This is probably the best track of all of these, course thats like being the prettiest waitress at Dennys, good but...still in need of a lot of work.

Awesome
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Copper_Nocturne
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« Reply #4 on: October 12, 2006, 08:40:32 PM »

HAHAHAHA...good shit
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« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2006, 01:21:01 PM »

Leslie Gray Streeter of PalmBeachPost.com reviewed the opening show of GUNS N' ROSES U.S. tour, which kicked off last night at the BankAtlantic Center in Sunrise, Florida. An excerpt from her review follows:

Before we commence to embarrassingly gushing over last night's Guns N' Roses "Chinese Democracy" tour opener at Sunrise's BankAtlantic Center, it is necessary to give Axl Rose a strict finger-wagging.

It is completely inexcusable to make your fans wait more than an hour after the last opening act for you to deign to come onstage at 11:20 p.m. Especially since the bulk of your demographic is in their late 20s and early 30s, have jobs and/or families, and are going to be completely wiped out and useless at work the next morning because your portion of the show didn't end until 1:30 a.m. So, shame, shame, shame.

However, the show was pretty much the most exciting, gut-pumping, lighter-flicking thing seen so far this year in South Florida.

Yes, it's true - long the butt of jokes for his stage shenanigans, band line-up shuffling, creative hairdo and long-delayed "Chinese Democracy" album, frontman Axl Rose and his reconstituted Guns delivered a more than two-hour set that covered most of their older hits and at least one new number.

The relaxed, friendly and cheerfully profane Rose admitted to being a little worse for wear following some debauched evenings in Miami ("I'd like to know where I was in the wee hours of this morning"), which may have explained his many departures from the stage to allow various band members solos that occassionally slowed the evening down.

But those solos, including a strong guitar jam by former Nine Inch Nails guitarist Robin Finck and an almost Jim Brickman-esque piano piece by longtime keyboardist Dizzy Reed, still couldn't zap the energy of Capt. Axl and his still-seductive stage snakiness.

The concert started strong and mostly stayed that way. After the hideous wait (and there's still no excuse for that) the lights went down on a stage flanked by the letters G N'R in Chinese-like characters. Ominous storm trooper-type music began to play as the restless fans began yelling things like "Come on!"

And BOOM!, just like that, the staccato strains of "Welcome To The Jungle" greeted geysers of pyrotechnic flare-ups and the appearance of the strutting Rose, his multi-colored braids tied back behind his head.

"You know where you are?" Rose screamed along with the crowd. "You're in the junnn-gal, bay-BAYY!"
Why, yes we are. Grab that pith helmet and stun gun and elaborate, my friend.

Rose's voice has always been something of a contradiction - a pleasant raspiness that turns into a seductively dangerous shriek. It was in evidence during "Jungle," as well as the intense "You Could Be Mine," "Mr. Brownstone" and "It's So Easy." By the end of the show, he sounded like he'd over-extended himself, but he never stopped throwing himself into it, even with the probable hangover pounding on his cornrows.

The band did pretty much everything you'd think they would - the strongest bits included the expert bombast of Wings' "Live And Let Die" (and did you remember how good that thing was?), the welcome whistle of "Patience" and a gleeful "Sweet Child O' Mine."

Oddly, for a tour named "Chinese Democracy," there was very little evidence of the still-unreleased album that lends it its name. Toward the end, before the stomping encore of "Paradise City," Axl and company did the title song, a loud and solid number that invokes the importance of thinking for yourself and not letting them fool ya and what-not.

It's OK, although it's no "November Rain." However, it blended seamlessly into the rest of the Guns N' Roses canon, and the modern Guns N'Roses blends seamlessly into the band's legend.
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bob endo
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« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2006, 01:29:54 PM »

I hope the big letters fall on them in a destructive manner.
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The Corruptor
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« Reply #7 on: October 26, 2006, 03:19:23 PM »

I hope!!!
the big letters fall on them!!!
in a destructive manner!!!
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bob endo
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« Reply #8 on: October 27, 2006, 01:09:12 PM »

Get outta here quotey !
(Unless you have something bad to say about G&R, that is.)
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« Reply #9 on: October 29, 2006, 10:58:25 AM »

My only coment is those who bitch about Axl starting the show late.  Anyone who has bothered to follow the band would know this band does not hit the stage until late period end of story.

As for the review of the demos... Um they are demos and in some cases not even demos but rather bootlegs of the UK tour this summer.  The sound quality is crap on most of them.  THe one exception is "Better" as you can find it on the new Harley commercial on Utube.

Before bashing the bands new material at least for the CD to come out.  Demos sond like shit period they always have and always will. 

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HxT
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« Reply #10 on: October 29, 2006, 01:49:53 PM »

wow, were you born without a sense of humor?
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necrolobes
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« Reply #11 on: November 16, 2006, 11:37:26 PM »

Axel's an over-hyped washed up plastic surgery-ed old bitch! Don't get me wrong guns used to be the shit . used to be, now man Axel looks rougher than Chinese toilet paper.
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JohnKappGDC
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« Reply #12 on: December 07, 2006, 03:50:04 PM »

My only coment is those who bitch about Axl starting the show late.  Anyone who has bothered to follow the band would know this band does not hit the stage until late period end of story.

As for the review of the demos... Um they are demos and in some cases not even demos but rather bootlegs of the UK tour this summer.  The sound quality is crap on most of them.  THe one exception is "Better" as you can find it on the new Harley commercial on Utube.

Before bashing the bands new material at least for the CD to come out.  Demos sond like shit period they always have and always will. 


If you like Guns And Roses you're a fucking idiot. Period.
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Cryptopchick
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« Reply #13 on: December 07, 2006, 04:36:15 PM »

Kapp said it.
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« Reply #14 on: December 07, 2006, 04:36:27 PM »

Period.
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Riding the Road of Excess, Straight to the Land of Sin....
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JohnKappGDC
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« Reply #15 on: December 07, 2006, 10:58:18 PM »

I GOT MINE YESTERDAY.
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M K
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« Reply #16 on: December 09, 2006, 04:15:56 PM »

What a fuckin piece of dogshit. I fuckin hate axl rose and his shitty old lady voice. Plus, he's metally fucked. Guns N Roses can lick the sweaty anus of a buffalo.
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