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Author Topic: Rules for bands  (Read 3734 times)
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The Corruptor
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« on: March 30, 2006, 10:59:34 AM »

found this, thought i'd post it here...

Do's and don'ts of band etiquette:

36 RULES FOR BANDS

1. Never start a trio with a married couple.
2. Your manager's not helping you. Fire him/her.
3. Before you sign a record deal, look up the word "recoupable" in the dictionary.
4. No one cares who you've opened for...
5. A string section does not make your songs sound any more "important".
6. If your band has gone through more than 4 bass players, it's time to break up.
7. When you talk on stage you are never funny.
8. If you sound like another band, don't act like you're unfamiliar with their music ("Oh does Rage Against The Machine also do rap-rock with political lyrics?")
9. Asking a crowd how they're doing is just amplified small talk. Don't do it.
10. Don't say your video's being played if it's only on public access.
11. When you sign to a major label, claim to have inked the best contract ever. Mention "artistic freedom" and "a guaranteed 3 record deal".
12. When you get dropped insist that it was the worst contract ever and you asked to be let go.
13.Never name a song after your band.
14. Never name your band after a song.
15. When a drummer brings in his own songs and asks to perform one of them, begin looking for a new drummer IMMEDIATELY!
16. Never enter a "battle of the bands" contest. If you do you're already a loser.
17. Learn to recognize scary word pairings: "rock opera", "white rapper", "blues jam", "swing band", "open mike", etc.
18. Drummers can take off their shirts or they can wear gloves, but not both.
19. It's not a "showcase". It's a gig that doesn't pay.
20. No one cares that you have a website.
21. Getting a tattoo is like sewing platform shoes to your feet.
22. Don't hire a publicist.
23. Playing in St. Cloud and Mankato doesn't mean you're on tour.
24. Don't join a cover band that plays Bush songs. In fact, don't join a cover band.
25. Although they come in different styles and colors, electric guitars all sound the same. Why do you keep changing them between songs?
26. Don't stop your set to ask that beers be brought up. That's what girlfriends/boyfriends are for.
27. If you use a smoke machine your music sucks.
28. We can tell the difference between a professionally produced album cover and one you made with the iMac your mom got for Christmas.
29. Remember, if blues solos are so difficult, why can so many 16 year olds play them?
30. If you ever take a publicity photo, destroy it. You may never know where or when it will turn up.
31. Cut your hair, but do not shave your head.
32. Pierce your nose, but not your eyebrow.
33. Do not wear shorts onstage. Or a suit. Or a hat.
34. Rock oxymoron's; "major label interest", "demo deal"," blues genius", "$500 guarantee", and "Fastball's second hit".
35. 3 things that are never coming back: a) gongs, b) headbands, and c) playing slide guitar with a beer bottle.
36. No one believes it when you say that this is the best audience out of any town/city/country you've played for.

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I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down,
Livin' in the hopeless, hungry side of town,
I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime,
But is there because he's a victim of the times.
- Johnny Cash
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Twit - The Corruptor
bob endo
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« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2006, 11:06:45 AM »

HAHAHAHAHA !!!
Mostly true, but suits look fuckin GOOD on stage.
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FirePixie
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« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2006, 12:20:47 PM »

3. Before you sign a record deal, look up the word "recoupable" in the dictionary.

Seriously, do it.
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f******joe
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« Reply #3 on: March 30, 2006, 05:51:29 PM »

found this, thought i'd post it here...

Do's and don'ts of band etiquette:

36 RULES FOR BANDS


Don't follow a list of someone else's failings, that's just stupid.
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Chad
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« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2006, 06:57:19 PM »

6. If your band has gone through more than 4 bass players, it's time to break up.

SHIT...we've already used up 2.
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Bender
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« Reply #5 on: April 01, 2006, 05:24:36 PM »

Okay we're on our 3rd bassist... but does it count if our first bassist is now our singer? lol
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horde
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« Reply #6 on: April 01, 2006, 09:39:50 PM »

hahaha rule 15....Justin are you still letting Cheech write stuff for you?

Wait a minute - shit! -  my band just fired me.
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RoTT 'n  RoLL baby
Your Deathmatch God
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« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2006, 05:21:32 PM »

Okay we're on our 3rd bassist... but does it count if our first bassist is now our singer? lol

Harley plays bass?
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Bender
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« Reply #8 on: April 06, 2006, 08:30:21 PM »

hahahah rule 15 is void if your drummer is a better guitar player than both the guitar players in your band


and yes, harley can play some bass and guitar
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Meg
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« Reply #9 on: April 15, 2006, 07:32:58 PM »

Justin, you guys also named your band after a song.
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I am retarded
I know right? I am on a roll today. It is as if someone injected me with a good dose of not being able to shut the fuck up.
Bender
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« Reply #10 on: April 15, 2006, 08:17:36 PM »

hahaha but then we changed the name of the song, so it still doesn't count! mwahahah!!!
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Master0vDisharmony
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« Reply #11 on: April 15, 2006, 08:42:29 PM »

"we're goin to cessate, yeah, we're goin to cessate baby..."
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Wehttam
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« Reply #12 on: April 26, 2006, 07:12:08 AM »

I don't know about #35c.....I watched the guitarist from TED in Winnipeg play a slide guitar solo with a full beer....half way through chug the beer,  threw it away, and then kept playing the solo smoothly, it was like it never happened during the solo......

That was sweet!
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